


Rewriting the Stars

by emillywinter



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: And adult Shizuo, Domestic Fluff, Izaya in a wheelchair, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Romantic Fluff, Shizuo as a kid, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 20:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13666563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emillywinter/pseuds/emillywinter
Summary: Izaya is a broken man after the last fight and he needs to go back into the past in order to meet his other self and to worn him not to go all out fighting the monster. However, things go all wrong and he would be dead with his insides stuck on the road if the little boy named Shizuo Heiwajima hadn't saved him...





	1. Chapter 1

Rewrite the Stars  
Chapter 1

He was sitting at his desk chair; wheelchair was next to him, ready to be used. He hated it. Two years ago, when the monster had broken him he had become this disabled thing that barely resembled a person who he used to be; no more runs for him, no more normal life. And, how he hated the thing that he had become... the words couldn’t even start to describe it. He could never go back like this; he needed to be whole in order to take his revenge. 

His eyes lighted up as soon as the new message came in. It was the time. Everything was ready for him to go once again to Ikebukuro. After all, it was a place where supernatural resides, and it could be done only from there. 

*****

He laughed like a crazy person. It was a dead of night and no souls were around to see his broken form situated in those retched wheelchair. The portal was ready. It will take him back in time; two years will be enough; just to meet his other self and to worn him not to go all out fighting the monster. That would change this timeline and he would still be the informant of Ikebukuro, still fighting Shizu-chan, still running free. 

As soon as he went thru Izaya knew that something was wrong. The car was flashing its lights at him; and he was in the middle of a road. Oh, God the car is about to hit him.

He closed his eyes, getting ready for it... But a second has passed, than another one and nothing really happened. He blinked. He was at the sidewalk and nothing was around him once again. So, he was back in his timeline; he wasn’t dead. That was good. He sighted. 

Then, he had heard a voice behind him.

“Onii-chan... Are you all right?” 

It was a kid’s voice. There was a kid behind him; the boy must have pushed the wheelchair out of the way and back into the portal. Fuck! The portal was closed now and it couldn’t be opened for another month. He failed to meet his other self. He needed to do all of it once again. 

And the worse thing was - what will he do with this kid? The boy was now standing in front of him, looking worried at him. 

“Thank you for saving me. What’s your name?”

“Shizuo Heiwajima.” 

“What?” 

Izaya was stunned. At first he thought that the kid has recognized him and just wanted to mess with him. He probably heard all about the strongest men in Ikebukuro. But then, he looked at the kid a little bit better. He saw a brown hair, soft and nice; still undamaged from all that hair dyeing. Then, he looked at those golden eyes; the same as always; and finally, he understood. 

The kid in front of him was no other then young Shizuo Heiwajima. He must have gone twenty years into the past; not two, as he assumed. And, the young Shizu-chan has saved his life. If the boy only knew who he was saving, Izaya would already be dead; his insides stuck on the road, dead body trapped in the past where no one knew that he existed. 

He smiled; but it wasn’t by any means a nice smile. It was a heavy grin that the other still didn’t learn how to recognize. The fate was throwing gifts at him. All he needed to do was to kill this defenseless child and the world would be a perfect place; no Shizu-chan to stop his plans, to destroy his body; to occupy his thoughts. He couldn’t help but imagine his life without the other. He would be a king of the world if Shizuo didn’t exist. 

“Where are we?” the boy asked confused about the sudden darkness and the lack of cars and people. 

“Well, Shizu-chan... You are in the future...” Izaya said still smiling like a mad man.

“OK.” 

It was everything that the boy decided to say; and, it just proved the fact that Shizuo was a simpleton like the informant has always assumed. A rational person would panic, but not this boy. He was calm and quit like nothing supernatural has ever happened. 

Izaya was looking carefully as the boy put one of his hands into the pocket and took out a lollipop. The tiny hand was extended to him, offering him the thing. Izaya couldn’t believe his eyes and the look on his face surly alarmed the kid that something was wrong. 

“Onii-chan just looks like he needs it more then me.” 

Those words stung him. He could never kill this sweet little boy. He wasn’t a monster like the grown up thing; he was just one of his innocent, precious humans. And the boy needed him. So, he will take care of him until he could send him beck into the past. After that, he will try again. Next time; he will succeed and kill the monster. 

*****

He was in his Shinjuku apartment. Two years of not dusting really took its toll. The cleaning company will come tomorrow and someone will come with the groceries. The box of half eaten pizza was on a coffee-table. The boy was sleeping on a couch. He explained to the kid that he needed to stay with him for the next month until he can take him back in his own time line. And the boy surprisingly understood everything and he seamed very smart and collected. Izaya could not imagine that it was the same boy who grew up to be the beast that broke him. 

Gently he pushed himself up from the wheelchair. He could barely stand without it; but he needed to go upstairs to find a blanket to cover the shivering body lying on the couch. One step at the time and cursing all the fucking stairs, as well as the monster that made it almost impossible for him to go into his own bedroom; he somehow made it. Fifteen minutes later the boy was covered and he was opening up the Dollars’ chat room as Kanra-chan for the first time in two years. The informant was back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 

The next morning, Izaya was in the middle of preparing breakfast when a rather laud bang was heard at his front door. He frowned a little. He didn’t want little Shizu-chan to wake up just yet.

He looked up at the small figure still sleeping on his couch and he went to open the door. He thought that the cleaning company has arrived and in any scenario he wasn’t prepared to see the face that was looking at him from the other side of the door frame. 

Words were lost as he tightened his hand around the handle of his wheelchair. He wasn’t prepared for this; at least, not yet. 

He started to tremble. What will the monster to him today? Break his arms again, another leg...? And, he was defenseless; so defenseless... He couldn’t run; he couldn’t fight; his knife was long forgotten and sitting on the nightstand in his bedroom... and, there were all those stairs separating him from it... He couldn’t make it there even if he could walk. His legs were trembling; he was afraid.

“Don’t look at me like that...” a rough voice was talking to him. He hadn’t heard that voice in so long. His heart skipped a beat and he told himself that it was because of the fear.

“Shizu-chan...” it was barely louder than a whisper. He was fighting with himself in order to speak and his throat was dry, eyes big... 

“Where is the kid?”

He was rudely interrupted; not that he had much to say anyway.

“What kid?”

“Don’t play games with me, flea. I know that he is here.”

“And how do you know that, Shizu-chan?” 

He couldn’t even lie anymore. The other has always seen thru him, as if all of his masks were made from nothing more then a thin air. He hated it.

“I just know. Please, don’t ask me to say how.”

“Oh.” Izaya sighted. He understood now. The kid was Shizuo, and Shizuo knew things that are going to happen because he had seen them when he was just a child; he remembered them. 

Izaya felt a wave of anger washing over him as he realized that Shizuo has known about this entire fucked up situation the whole time and didn’t say anything about it. He has kept his mouth silent for twenty years. They have fought countless times and Shizuo has “tried” to kill him while knowing that he wouldn’t succeed.

And, even worse, this whole time Shizu-chan knew who he was; he knew the taste of Izaya’s food; the sound of his silent, barely possible steps; he knew that he would end up in a wheelchair. Shizuo knew what would that final fight do to him, and he still went for it. However, the worst of all was the fact that Shizuo knew who Izaya was even before they have met.

“You knew who I was before we met.” It wasn’t a question. It was just a statement; a plain old fact.

“Yes.” 

“And you didn’t think to say anything to me; why?”

“You are smart; you guess.”

Shizuo had hated him, that’s why he didn’t say anything. He wanted to see Izaya suffering; right? No... That wasn’t right... And then, he had realized.

“You didn’t want to mess up with the time line.”

“Yes.”

Izaya couldn’t take it anymore. If he would hear one more time one-word response from the beast, he would strangle the blond with his bare hands. Fuck the fear; fuck everything. The simpleton knew the future for all this time and was silent about all of it. 

Izaya tried to slam up the door in front of Shizuo’s face but stopped in the middle of it as the small figure was rising from the couch; waking up.

“Onii-chan...” Young Shizuo was calling for him. 

He turned around, leaving the door open. If the monster wanted to come in let him came in. In either way he couldn’t do a thing in order to stop him. 

“Hey, you are awake...” he turned around and spoke gently to the kid. “I am making breakfast. Come wait in the kitchen.” 

And then, he turned back around looking at the same eyes he was looking just a second before. However, the person who they belonged to was all grown up now. 

“You can stay as well I guess. It’s not like you haven’t seen me like this before.” he said showing his form in a wheelchair and waving towards the boy. Fuck everything; this whole situation was too much for him. He gave up and he was going to let the monster do whatever it desires to do.

“I was intending to. I am not leaving you alone with the kid; I mean me...” Shizuo quickly corrected himself and continued. 

“Seeing how demented you are someone needs to stay in order to make sure that you don’t kill the boy. That would solve all of your problems; right? Well, it’s not going to happen, Izaya-kun.”

Oh, how Izaya hated the other at that moment. It was like he could read his mind and know exactly what he has thought only yesterday. And, he hated himself for it; both for allowing Shizuo to see under his masks, and for having that weak moment and thinking about killing the boy. 

He still wasn’t sure how he could even think about ending an innocent life; destroying a creature that was so nice to him. Nevertheless, the fact that the boy was human didn’t change things for the adult Shizuo at all. He was still a monster in Izaya’s eyes and it was a fair game to kill him. After all, monsters exist to be slain. 

“This changes nothing.” Izaya said thru his teeth while turning around in the direction of the kitchen.

“Oh, but this changes everything.” Shizuo whispered to himself and gently smiled. 

He waited for this for so long. A massive secret was now reviled and he could finally stop pretending to hate the other. He had waited for this for twenty years; the whole time hating himself for it and lying to the entire world about everything. And now, after having this day circled in his calendar for so long, the torture was over.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Few days have past and against all odds Izaya’s legs started to hurt less. The situation was on the board line with comical as the informant has never expected to be better while sharing a living space with two Shizu-chans. He was also smiling a lot more than he used to, especially at the ridiculous food requests that he got from the kid. 

Izaya has even started to walk around the apartment with the apron tied up at his waist only because it made adult Shizu-chan blush and feel uncomfortable. All in all, things started to feel a lot more domestic and Izaya began to think that they were a little family. 

Before he knew three weeks have past and they were all going to see sharks and dolphins at the little Shizuo’s request. Izaya would laugh his ass of if someone would tell him only a month ago that he would willingly and even gladly go anywhere with the monster; but who was he to question the mysterious ways in which fate and destiny worked.

Tiny hand was grabbing his own as he slowly walked in the aquarium with two Shizuos by both of his sides. He looked at those two pairs of eyes with stars in them and smiled. There was something worm around his heart making him feel all fuzzy. It was an odd feeling and he didn’t want to admit to himself that he knew what it was. 

The kid started to run around tugging his hand as soon as they went inside.

“Onii-chan, look! It’s a shark.”

Izaya only smiled at that. He dropped the boy’s hand telling him to stay near Shizuo as he went to buy the stuffed shark for him. He would buy a real one, but he wasn’t sure what to do with it when the boy leaves. A sharp pain went thru his heart as he realized that in a week he would be left alone; not only the boy was going to leave him but Shizuo as well; and his legs started to hurt again. He was barely standing. 

In spite the pain, he paid the nice lady and started to walk towards two Shizuos laughing and pointing in one of the fish that was looking at them thru the glass. 

Every step was like a torture and every step hurt more that the previous one. After the fifth one his legs betrayed him and he fell not releasing the stuffed shark; still clenching around it like it would take away the pain. 

In the next moment both Shizu-chans were right beside him, and he looked at the side, not wanting to see them pitying him. 

“Shizuo, I need you to take the boy back, and to return with the wheelchair.”

His voice was weak and full of shame. However, if Izaya had enough courage to look at the blond he would see the prettiest smile created just for him. A pair of hands went lower, around his knees and at his back.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I will just carry you back.”

Izaya has never been more embarrassed in his entire life. He was hiding his face in the white of Shizuo’s shirt as he didn’t want to see all those people looking at them. He was judged enough times in his life; he didn’t need any of their bullshit. So, Izaya closed his eyes letting everything go as those strong arms held him like he mattered. 

*****

Shizuo opened the door, leaving the boy in the kitchen as he carried Izaya to the bedroom. He has slept in there with him every night since he came in. At first, it was ridiculously uncomfortable for the informant, but Shizuo really enjoyed every moment of it. Many nights passed with him looking at those red eyes when they were closed and gently moving his fingers thru the dark hair. 

He didn’t regret anything that took place on this little peace of heaven including that first night when he started to remove his clothes in front of open-mouthed Izaya who only get to stutter “you can’t sleep in here, we are enemies”. He still remembered his answer and the look on Izaya’s face when he said “just watch me”. That night they both spent pretending to sleep; Izaya’s hand never leaving a handle of a knife that was tucked under his pillow, and Shizuo begging all the Gods that Izaya wouldn’t see a raging erection in his pants. 

He lowered the sleeping informant gently not to wanting to wake him up and slowly kissed his cheek. _God, he has always looked so beautiful._

*****

Shizuo was dead tiered when he finally managed to persuade his little self to sleep. He didn’t know how Izaya managed to do this every night. Step after step he finally opened the bedroom door taking his clothes off. All he wanted to do was lay down and hug the figure that was already sleeping in there. Then, Izaya started to move.

“I am sorry that I woke you up.”

“Shizu-chan, what time it is?”- A voice still soft from sleep asked the question.

“Around 11 PM; sleep.”

“Is he...” Izaya started to ask another question when Shizuo was already answering.

“Yes, he is asleep downstairs.”

“Good.”

“Does it hurt too much?”

After all, the informant’s legs hurt because of him. He knew that and he felt more guilty than the guiltiest person in the world. But he was prepared for it from the start; he knew that it was a necessity that needed to happen. Nevertheless, it didn’t mean that he felt any less guilty about it. 

“Less than before. I think that I can walk a bit now.”

“Does the pain ever stop?”

“Sometimes; it hurts less when you are near...” 

Izaya wasn’t looking at those worm eyes; if it wasn’t for the darkness that was all around them he wouldn’t even talk about it at all. 

It was a funny thing; at first, his legs hurt more when Shizuo was around; but then, they almost stopped hurting after that first night. He guessed that his psychiatrist was right. 

Another funny story; he threatened that poor women when she said that the pain was psychosomatic and that he was afraid of Shizuo. He was now sorry for it as he realized that she was right. As soon as Izaya stopped being afraid everything felt better.

Shizuo was lowering himself; making contact with the sheet as he was preparing to lie next to him. A hand traveled cutting thru the air stopping only when it was hugging Izaya’s tiny waist. It pulled the informant towards strong chest and Shizuo smelled the beautiful sent that was always lingering in the air even long after the other would disappear. 

Izaya shivered as he felt a hot breath on his neck. The nights were the most beautiful part of everything but they were the most painful one as well. He couldn’t remember how many times his heart was beating so laud as he was telling himself time after time that nothing could possibly happen between them; sharing a bed didn’t change anything and Shizuo still hated him. 

So, when those lips closed slowly kissing his hair he was stunned. 

“Shizu-chan?”

“Mmm?”

He turned around in order to look at the face of a man that was kissing him in order to see if it was all a joke.

“What are you doing?”

“Kissing you.”

“And why were you doing that?”

“Because I wanted to.”

Shizuo opened his eyes looking at Izaya as it was the most obvious answer in the world. And Izaya’s red cheeks and his beautiful big eyes were looking back at him. The informant’s mouth was so alluring right now, more than usual, and Shizuo’s heart started to beat so fast as he moved just a little bit closer. He could feel hot breath on his face as the other was looking down; long eyelashes moving up as he blinked. He wanted him so much, and he wasn’t sure that he could hold himself back a second longer. 

His own eyes traveled from those eyelashes to the wet mouth and he moved even closer, wanting to connect his lips to the red ones that were slightly open luring him in, silently calling him, demanding him to kiss and devour them whole. So, he did just that and something in his chest exploded making him gasp for the air and taking it from Izaya’s lungs. 

And, Izaya’s tongue was moving; tracing the edges of the lines that were his mouth, liking him, tasting him for the first time. Shizuo tasted back, moving slowly against the skin; and he felt like the happiest man alive finally getting the chance to kiss the person who he loved more then the life itself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

That night they made love. They kissed; they moved as one; naked bodies dancing under the moonlight, clothes lost, sheets lying on the floor. And, when the last of stars went to sleep, they closed their eyes as well; still sweaty, smelling like each other; and, still connected. The morning light came soon and with it small steps were heard, waking them. 

And, in the next moment a little boy was looking at their naked forms. The boy was clenching around the stuffed animal they had bought for him... Face red and cheeks blushed. He was silent and it felt like the time had stopped. 

In the matter of seconds Izaya has wrapped himself in sheets... His own cheeks were flushed and he didn’t know what to say. But, he still tried.

“Shizu-chan... When a man and a woman love each other...”

_OK. That didn’t come out right..._

“When a man and a man love...” 

His face was even more flushed, and he looked at Shizuo, silently asking for help. But then, he realized one important fact; he was Izaya Orihara, he didn’t need to know how to deal with this. He now had Shizuo to make up for everything he wasn’t good at. 

“Shizu-chan will explain it better.” He said this and carefully stood up, still wrapped in a sheet, legs still shivering with the strain of last night activities. He left the room leaving Shizuo alone to deal with his younger self.

And Shizuo would be angry if Izaya didn’t mention the “love” thing... But now, he just tried to stay calm as he moved towards the kid. He tried to remember what was said to him when he was that little boy. 

“Look kid, love is love... Whether it is about two men, or woman and a man, it doesn’t really matter. We don’t choose who we love, it just happens.” - He sighed. 

“He is your soul mate; your other half... And, even if this all looks gross to you now... it won’t be in a few years. I know that you started to care for that flea, and you will care even more. Things will change as you grow up. Next time when you see him all you would want to do is kiss him; but, you can’t do that...” 

Tears were staining his eyes making them look big and glassy. He was just an inch short from crying.

“You will have to pretend to hate him; you will need to hurt him; you will need to make him hate you in return... But also, when no one is looking, you will follow him and protect him. He is a shitty flea, after all; and he has many enemies. They would want to hurt him, and you will need to stop them, even kill some of them... and, he can’t ever find out...”

The kid was looking at him confused.

“Why do I need to pretend to hate him? I don’t want to do that.”

And, Shizuo was hugging this younger self. He is remembering when the other him said those ridiculous things to him... He didn’t want to hurt Izaya as well.

“He is Izaya... He is everything... And, we... I... I wasn’t good enough. I still am not good enough. He... he deserves the stars and I am just a monster. If you don’t leave a mark on him; he will forget that you exist. He will move on and you will be just a memory. I won’t tell that it won’t hurt you pretending to hate the one you love. And, you will cry so many times after bringing him pain... But in the end, when you are older, it will all be worth it. You will be the most important person to him; and he will sometimes say that you are a monster and it will hurt, even if it is truth; but still, you will be his monster; always at his side...It is ten years of pain for the lifetime of happiness. It is worth it. He is worth it.”

Shizuo was crying now. The watery tears were staining his cheeks. He had only one thing to say; one thing to ask for...

“Please, even when it’s hard, even when it’s killing you, just don’t go changing the past... You need to pretend to hate him so he would always be yours... Please, don’t take him away from me...”

And, the kid was hugging him, tears in both of their eyes.

“I won’t. I promise...”

*********

Izaya was leaning on the wall connecting his bedroom with a hallway. His eyes were even more glassy, more watery. But, he remained silent, not daring to even breathe... He knew that he wasn’t supposed to listen, he wasn’t supposed to know. Nevertheless, he whispered into the air his thoughts feeling the weight of all those years that were lost in hate; regret and pain filling up his chest and choking his heart.

“Stupid Shizu-chan... I have always loved you ever since the moment I have first seen you. I would have never forgotten you... I never forgot you. I couldn’t and trust me... I have tried...”

At that moment Izaya promised himself that he will make every sacrifice worth it. He will make every tear Shizuo shed, every life that he took in order to protect him, and all the pain... He will make everything worth it. He will make their future beautiful, filled with smiles and gentle touches under the moonlight. He needed to make up for so much time; so much possible memories; memories that were now lost. He needed to rewrite the stars, delete the hatred and leave only the basic and strongest of feelings; love. 

He clenched his fists, eyes determined. He believed in their love, he knew it was one of those that books are being written about; movies being made. He would make things perfect, he will rewrite the stars.


End file.
